Friends, after a lot of back and forth about whether Maya’s adoption would go forward, we found out Thursday evening last week that it was a go. And it went! I’d love to share with you the play-by-play of adoption day! Sorry it’s taken so long, we’ve got our temporary foster baby back and there’s very little down time between refereeing babies!

So here’s the play by play of adoption day!

Once we enjoyed the partial relief that court was scheduled to open on Friday, we had to worry about my parents’ arrival. They were flying into Houston on Thursday evening and hit major thunderstorms. They were diverted to Dallas and got to Houston at midnight, only to sit on the runway for an hour! They are troopers. But we were so, so glad they were able to make it for Maya’s big day. Friday morning, we woke up very early (Maya woke us all up at 5:23am!), got spruced in our adoption day finest, and headed west to Fort Bend County Court. We crossed over the very swollen Brazos River on our way, in total awe that court would go forward. But it did! When we arrived, the court was open and we waltzed right in.  We signed a few papers with our lawyer, met Maya’s ad litem, then waited for a little while outside of the courtroom. Our caseworker, Taylor, handled the termination of Maya’s birth parents’ rights with the lawyer, then they came out to get us. Maya charmed everyone and we took a little video to test the Facebook live stream before the actual court part.

The court part was so fast! I wish we could do it over and just make it longer! But one of the first things the judge said was that there would be no do-overs, no take-backs. (Cue the tears!). But the adoption flew by, and Michael and I were both so emotional. Our judge, Walter Armatys, was wonderful. He even sent Maya away with a stuffed animal and posed for photos with us. We’ve named Maya’s new giraffe Walter in his honor!

The strange thing is that neither of us have ever felt threatened with Maya’s situation. From the moment we saw her face, we knew she was ours and the particulars of her situation meant we didn’t need to worry that she would ever be taken from us. But nonetheless, having Maya’s adoption finalized, having her officially become a Westbrooks, having her officially be our daughter in the eyes of the law, was a big deal. Michael pointed out over the weekend that part of the excitement was because we’ve never really had a chance to celebrate Maya with our friends and family. We didn’t have a baby shower and her birth was such a surprise that it took a while for most of our family to even meet her. Sadly, some of them still haven’t – but they will later this summer. So this was our celebration of Maya joining our family, and it was wonderful from start to finish.

If you are on Facebook, you can watch the whole video sequence from adoption day right here. If you are not on Facebook, you’ll have to wait just a little longer as I figure out how to pull the Facebook livestream video off Facebook to share with non-Facebookers. Anyone have any ideas?

In the next few weeks, I have more to share about Maya’s first 8 months. I actually have video of the first time we met her, which is rather tear-jerking, and tons upon tons of photos of her. It’s a lot to catch up on, and I haven’t the foggiest how to go about it, but we’ll get there eventually.  For the time being, this is our sweet girl after her adoption. She was a champion and looked absolutely gorgeous in her little blue and white dress! I went back and forth about the size of her bow, but in the end I figured what the heck, when in Texas, right?!

And now, a whole lotta photos from the day!

First, the waiting in anticipation for the lawyer to call us in…. Our adoption day crew! My parents on the right, Michael’s sister Leah in the red, our dear friends the Walkers on either side of her, and Leah’s boyfriend Eanna (team photographer! Thanks Eanna!) at bottom right. Our caseworker, Taylor, is in a lower group photo as well. Couldn’t have done this without her! Maya and I with the Walkers, without whom Maya simply wouldn’t have been possible. Their encouragement before we moved here, their welcome and help when we got here, and their constant support as we have raised Maya for the last eight months. They constantly believed this would happen, which was such an enormous gift. And here we go! Cue the waterworks! We do solemnly swear…. To love this baby girl forever and ever! Thanks, Judge Armatys, for making it such a sweet moment. And for posing for photos with us! Ha!  First photo of our official family of three! If you look closely you can spot the alligator tear rolling down Michael’s nose. Big softy, that husband of mine. And very proud sister/aunt! 

While Michael and I were inside getting Maya’s adoption decree and filling out applications for her new birth certificate, my mom entertained Maya by letting her play with the courthouse roses. Thank you, Eanna, for snapping these! My mom and her first grandbaby!  Then Maya’s grandparents treated us to a delicious lunch at Revival Market in our neighborhood! They know Maya and Michael by name, so we thought it would only be fitting to celebrate in a place that knows us well!  Maya got to sit in a high chair for the first time. My dad was nervous she was going to slide out, so I’m pretty sure his hand was on her the entire lunch! Sorry, Dad! She also got her first taste of danish (minus the filling) and made a lovely, flaky mess – luckily we were eating on the patio! We spent most of the lunch trying to decide whether to go forward with our plan of a picnic celebration later in the afternoon. We went for it and we actually got sun!  We had a lovely little picnic celebration in a park around the corner from our house, and apparently everyone got the memo to wear blue! 😉

Thank you all, for consistently and constantly being so excited for us and encouraging about our adoption journey. We loved knowing that so many people were rooting for us from afar even during the adoption itself! I’ve said it before, but it’s been so powerful to know how much support we have from friends, family, blog readers and strangers for the last eight months. I never anticipated what a boost it would be to have you all by our virtual sides! Lots of love from us! xx Em, Michael and Maya

If you’ve been reading here for any length of time, you’ve probably guessed from the few weeks of silence that we’ve been working some things out. I hemmed and hawed about writing this post, like I do with all the posts that are especially hard to put into words and then end up lifting a huge weight off my shoulders. Like when I finally wrote about moving to Houston to adopt a baby – and Maya arrived less than 24 hours later. Or when I wrote about how hard we were finding securing Maya’s adoption fee – and it was funded and raised in 2 weeks. If there’s anything I’ve realized in the last year’s adventure, it’s that no matter how hard it is for me to write the words, the power of writing and sharing them is bigger and better than the fear I have in getting them out.

So, here’s what’s going on behind the scenes. We found out in late February that a birth mom had chosen us to adopt her baby boy once he was born. We were in the thick of quite agonizing discussions about whether to try to adopt another baby before going back to Ireland when the phone rang on a Friday afternoon. We just couldn’t believe it could be true. Another possible miracle adoption baby. No fostering, no visitations with struggling parents, just straight adoption.

We said yes within the hour. It was an offer we couldn’t have ever refused, despite the financial cost and the insanity that would ensue in bringing a newborn home to a seven month old. So we said yes, and then we waited. For nine weeks. We thought of baby boy names (tougher than girl names, that’s for sure!), we picked up a handful of baby boy outfits and washed Maya’s neutral newborn clothes. And then we held our breath for two months, slowly allowing ourselves to think about what life with two tiny people would be like, imagining Maya as a big sister, imagining our two little buddies playing together in the yard behind our house in Ireland one day. We prayed for him and for his birth mom, for their health and safety, for peace in their time together. And of course, we fell in love.

There is always uncertainty in adoption. Birth mom could always change her mind, no matter how certain she may seem in the months leading up to the birth. That’s what we prepared ourselves for, as much as humanly possible.

I wrote these few paragraphs below when we were still waiting and wondering but I left the post half written until tonight.

We aren’t at that threshold yet, in fact we are still waiting to hear that she has gone into labor. But the waiting has taken on a slightly painful edge. Baby boy’s due date was last week, and our agency hasn’t heard from the birth mom since a week before her due date. They haven’t been able to get in touch with her, although our caseworker explained that this is normal for her, that it happens with her fairly regularly. They have a strong relationship with her; her last son was adopted through our agency. Our caseworker is still confident she will get in touch when she goes into labor or shortly thereafter.

Since we heard last week that birth mom has ‘gone dark’, as Michael and I have been calling it, time has nearly stopped. Michael, my strong husband, is utterly confident that baby boy will come home to us when he is ready. And until anyone tells him otherwise, he is looking forward with excitement and expectancy. I, on the other hand, can’t breathe. Every fiber of my body hurts from waiting and wondering, playing out every possible scenario about a woman I’ve never met and a baby who hasn’t been born but I already love. Two months of cautious optimism has used up nearly all my patience reserves.

But not quite.

We’ve got a little wait in us yet. And I’ll let you know when our wait is over, for better or worse. Until then, you’ll find me snuggling Miss Maya, checking my phone every three minutes and praying without ceasing for strength to make it through whatever happens next.

And of course, this time it’s not news for better. A week past birth mom’s due date, after an excruciating wait in which our agency hadn’t heard from birth mom in nearly two weeks, we found out that she had changed her mind. That her baby boy had been born and that she had found a mother-and-baby home to help her get her little family back on their feet. And all our cautious optimism and preparing for possible disappointment was instantly useless. It was good news, of course, it’s what you want for families, to stay together and thrive. But it was also impossibly hard and heartbreaking. A baby boy who gets to stay with his birth mom, but a baby boy we’ll never know or meet or welcome into our family. A baby boy already loved by two moms, but a baby boy who will only be held by one. No baby boy for us for now, for now instead we heal and put one foot in front of the other, simultaneously mourning a loss and rejoicing for a family intact.

When I heard the news a week and a half ago, I had a short, heartbroken cry by myself in the bedroom while Maya slept in the next room. Michael came home from work as Maya woke up and we had a family hug and then went around the corner for a margarita in the last of the day’s sunshine. I watched Maya giggle and smiled from behind sunglasses with sporadically tear-stained cheeks as she charmed everyone around us. We went to bed a little numb that night and woke up sore around the edges. Michael turned to me and said, “Well, I’ve definitely felt better.” And we both laughed a weary laugh.

Michael feels strongly that our role in this difficult situation was to be obedient to what God was asking of us, to give birth mom peace in the last few months of her pregnancy knowing that her baby boy would have a home. My mother-in-law thinks our extended family’s collective prayers for birth mom lifted her up and gave her the strength to keep her son. I think they’re both right, and for my part, I’m grateful that God answered, over and over, my many prayers for peace in my heart as we waited, and for strength for whatever would come.

I’m grateful for the role we played and for the outcome, however hard. I’m grateful that I know that with time my heart will heal the little baby boy sized hole that’s left. And, as I have continually felt through our journey with fostering and adoption, I’m grateful to be surrounded by so many people who love us, especially when we struggle and wait and wonder – and that as a family, we have so much love that we even have extra ready to give. Our cup still runneth over, even with slightly sore and worn out hearts.

And that, my dears, is the latest explanation for radio silence on FCV. I’ll be back again soon. xx