I love our visits back to America. Twice a year they are food for my soul. But inevitably, we get big, fat, tough questions thrown our way.
What’s Dublin like?
Do you love it?
Do you think you’ll ever move back to America?
Where will you move back to?
Over the weekend, it seemed everywhere I turned I was faced with a version of these questions. Between weddings and mini reunions with old college roommates, I found myself stumbling over my words as I tried to explain what Dublin is like for us. I got tongue-tied attempting to tell why we like it and why we’ll probably stay for a while longer, and even why I’m not sure I can picture us living back in the U.S. of A.
During each conversation, I wished I could have called a time out so I could put my spinning thoughts into more eloquent words.
Michael and I love being in Dublin; it’s home for us for now, but it’s hard to put that into one or two sentences over lunch or a drink. Dublin is where our life is, so we go to work, have a house, see some great things and travel a bunch. But lots of the time it’s rainy, it hardly ever gets very warm, and there aren’t any good craft stores. Right now, we don’t want to move back. But some days all I want to do is move back. Five years? Ten years, maybe? Where would we move? Who the heck knows. East coast, but not too hot, not too cold. City, but not too city.
Does that sum it up? I’m not sure. I’m not sure I squeezed in enough conflicting feelings there.
Before this trip home, I barely had time to pack, let alone get excited – I was just powering through a busy, busy schedule to get to that plane. But when I arrived in Boston airport, I nearly cried when the customs officer looked at my passport and said welcome home. I needed this trip, and maybe I need a little more time here in this country altogether. I’ve been away for nearly four years, and all of a sudden that feels like a very long time. Maybe I do want to move back after all. Some day.
We don’t (and likely won’t) have to decide any time soon, but it’s amazing how being home makes those tough questions consume my thoughts. So if you see me on this side of the ocean and ask what our plans are, be prepared for a jumbled, scattered, not-so-straightforward answer. Yes, but no. We love it, but I’m not sure we can stay forever. Soon? Later? I haven’t a clue.
For now, I still don’t have any final answers to those tough questions.
Have you ever lived abroad? Did you feel like I do?
25 Comments
Wow! Honesty! I think that’s so wonderful that you know what you want and are going for it. The questions can be a little much when people ask all the time, huh?! I don’t know how long we’ll be here for, but America is just home! I’m sure we could talk forever on this subject….
I spent the past 3 months on the north coast if N. Ireland. I love it there. I might be living there a year from now. But you summed up my feelings exactly (especially the cold weather and no good craft stores!). And I find myself stumbling over words a bit, too, as I’m catching up with friends and family. And like you guys, my partner and I don’t know where we’ll settle down (well, the answer is wherever he can find work as an architect). We kind of want to live in a few different places before deciding. Maybe that’s what you’ll decide to do, as well.
The questions from family and friends are definitely TOUGH, and will always keep coming because you’re living an “exotic” life by moving abroad. The beauty is, you’re living it! And you’re never tied down to any situation (a bit if Irish insight that I’ve learned) 🙂
Where in Northern Ireland are you? I haven’t spent much time up there but need to visit! You’re so right – you’re never truly tied down to a situation, and that is such a good feeling!
Yep.
http://www.gunternation.com/2010/08/the-question/
Still don’t have a good answer.
Oh, great post, Sharon. Great post. Such a funny limbo we live in!!
I truly understand your feelings, because I feel the same way. I’ve been living in Germany for two years now and I don’t know what is going to happen. Maybe we stay here for a couple of years more? Maybe ten? Maybe I go back to Spain? Maybe we move to another country?
I have my job here, but sometimes I dream with other jobs in warmer countries… I have a nice house, but I refuse to buy more furniture (I wonder what that means…), I’m meeting new people, but I miss my friends at home so much…
Everytime I’m preparing my suitcase to go to Spain for the holidays I’m completely excited but secretly happy to return to Germany, because I’m happy here. But once I’m there… I just don’t want to go back.
It’s quite weird… I don’t know. I guess I let the time go by and see what life has to offer. But my life in Germany sometimes doesn’t feel real.
I won’t retire in Gerany, though. That’s for sure. This grey cloudy sky makes me melancholic… and my hair gets terribly frizzy! 🙂
I can so identify with life abroad not feeling real! Sometimes it’s just so surreal – like how did I even end up here?! So funny you’re not buying more furniture. What do you think it means? We’re not buying new furniture, but more because there’s just no room! But if I was really honest, I’m not sure I’d want more stuff to tie me down at the moment. Good thing we’re thinking of buying a house! 😉
I never planned on being here in China for 25+ years! But it is home and has been a good place to make a life. You’ll find your way and it will all be OK. In the meantime, enjoy where you are now.
While you’re in the area, if you want to take a walk out in the school forest to see the Reading Tree, let me know. I bet Michael would like it! I might even have an old video of your class in the woods. THAT would be fun to see again!
Mrs. Smith
We’d love that! Let me talk to Michael and see when we’ll be in the area. Are you still in school? What time/day would work for you? So fun! 🙂
Still in school until 6/19. I’m now at cps, so you can call there.
Recommended read: “The Foremost Good Fortune” by Susan Conley. A Mainer moves to China, maybe temporarily, maybe forever, and grapples with conflict, and cancer, for a very satisfying 200 pages. Glad you have a nice long visit and I hope it’s the dose of this home you need before returning to the fabulous life in your other home!
Oh great. Hopefully the China Library has a copy – I was just looking for a new book! Thanks, Robin! Hope the new boat is going well – was thinking about showing my in-laws Belfast next week. Maybe we’ll see you!
This was exactly how I felt when we lived in Edinburgh. I wanted to go home but not really. And then we moved back home and I was miserable. I can’t explain it, It just didn’t feel like home anymore. It was a place I liked visiting, and i missed it when I wasn’t there, but living there was different now. So we moved back to Scotland, only this time to Glasgow, and we’re much happier. Every time I read your blog, it makes me want to move to Ireland, though. I have difficulty staying in one place.
That is so interesting – I was wondering if anyone tried it and didn’t like it. I’m worried that would be me as well! Most days I wonder where exactly I would fit in! I’m so glad you found your fit…for now at least! Couldn’t miss a plug for Ireland though – there aren’t many places we’re warmer than, but Scotland is one!
So good to read this post!
I’ve been in Germany for over ten years now and I happily call it home now. A funny thing happened at some point and continues to be true; I am not really American anymore, but I’m also not German.
This is a morbid example, but it brought the expat dilemma into sharp focus for me. Several years ago when switching health insurance companies, the broker asked me if I wanted a policy that repatriated my remains back to the U.S. when I die. The question startled me. Germany was no longer some place that I had just lived for awhile, it was home, I was connected to it. But America, California, a part of my soul belongs to that place. I realized there could only be one solution. When I die I want to be cremated and have half my ashes scattered into the Isar river (which runs through Munich) and the offer half scattered into the San Francisco bay.
So I guess the upshot is that when I’m dead I can choose both!
Sorry, I guess that’s not really helpful! but it illustrates the point 🙂
@Lauren, thanks for the book recommendation, it sounds good!!
Eleanor – that’s so interesting! And sounds like you’ve found the perfect solution – both!! Think that might be the final solution for us – split our time between both! Not sure our bank account can support that at the moment, but it’s nice to have a goal!
Ah yes, the pull. It’s hard to resist, when it does come – I was shocked to feel homesick for the first time after five years. There was never any question that we wouldn’t move back here eventually, and I suppose that helped us to make the most of our time abroad! It’s funny, though, I spent five years of expat-ness fielding questions about moving back to Ireland, and after five years back here, I still get asked if I miss Amsterdam. No winning!
I’m in the exact opposite boat as you, Emily. I’m an Irish girl living in NYC (with most of my family still in Ireland). I’ve married an American so I don’t get the “are you moving back home” questions that much anymore. The idea of home is fluid for me – sometimes I think of it as Manhattan, sometimes it is Cork or Clonmel. It’s okay not to have a clue, i like to think that i won’t always live in one city or country my whole life – it makes me feel a little more exotic 🙂
This happens to ALL expats! Just back in Paris, I find myself asking similar questions. COULD I ever live in the States again? The answer for 6 years has been a resolute NO but now I’m not so sure. Such a loaded issue. If Dublin is right for you guys now, let it be. Clarity will come when it needs to 🙂
Oooooh…you’re not so sure now? I was actually thinking of how SURE you seemed that you don’t want to move back anytime soon. I was jealous that you were so sure, but I suppose it’s always changing. If you ask me next week maybe I’ll be more sure one way or another!
I’ve never lived abroad, but I honestly kinda feel the same way you do even though I haven’t. Somewhere, home has grown to encompass multiple places for me: New Jersey, New York City, San Diego, Washington DC… I don’t know when I’ll move again or where I’ll end up. You just have to roll with it sometimes, right?
I know it’s a whole lot closer (like €50 a flight!) but Irish people do tend to be surprised that I don’t see myself moving back to scotland eventually. I suppose when it’s close enough you can visit cheaply it isn’t such a big deal, although I’ve had 2 friends from england that have now moved back when they had kids, so they could be closer to family. And I think having kids is probably the main thing that could change your mind if you’re unsure either way, really. I think it’s fab that you’ve had the experience of living in abother place though, whatever happens. I bet it’s made you look at tons of stuff in a different way than before!
I’m a little jealous you can travel home so cheaply! Imagine if a flight was 50 euro – I’d go home every weekend! Well, probably not, but I love the idea. And yes, I look at everything very differently now and I’m so appreciative of that. I wouldn’t trade this perspective for anything!
Emily, I think we should sit down with a massive pot of tea and have a full day chat about this!!!! Do the difficult questions EVER end?
Meagan
On your next trip, we’ll meet and have a big ole pot of tea and lots of chats! Would love that! 🙂