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Does anyone else feel like they”ve been living in this photo this week? I feel like this is what my brain has been wading through since I woke up Monday morning to the insane Twitter feed of the Bin Laden announcement.
This week has been filled with lots of time inside my own head. Heavy, heartbreaking thoughts. Here”s a sliver with a stream-of-consciousness twist.
This week reminded me: I am so far away from America, physically and emotionally. I watched the week from across an ocean, as an outsider.
I feel both wildly patriotic for my home and deeply saddened at the celebrations of death, not justice.
I watched President Obama”s speech to the nation, to the world, really, and it gave me shivers. He looked exhausted, presidential, burdened.
I feel conflicted. I know Bin Laden organised the murder of thousands. He was a terrible human being. He deserved to die. But do we get to decide that?
Imagine the lives changed this week, the soldiers who completed the mission that was heard around the world. The human shield.
I remember exactly where I was when I found out the Twin Towers had been hit. It was surreal. And then it was real. To so many people, it”s still real. They live every day in that memory.
Perhaps they now feel relief; justice has prevailed. Perhaps their loss has eased.
My mother-in-law slots games found us this scripture :
“Tell them, “As sure as I am the living God, I take no pleasure from the death of the wicked. I want the wicked to change their ways and live.” Ezekiel 33 : 11
I feel wary, that feeling of tentative steps in the dark. There”s nowhere to go but forward, but forward may not be pleasant or peaceful.
I hope that the way forward, for Americans especially, is graceful.
***
I”ve been sucking up information about this week”s event, soaking in it, trying to wrap my head around it. These have helped.
The burden shared among many.
Mistakes were made.
“Are we learning anything, or simply spinning harder in the cycle of violence?”
Looking back at the day we were all Americans.
An end or a beginning?
2 Comments
I totally understand how you feel Emily. I lost a really dear friend, Bill, in the twin towers attack; I often think about him, although, if I’m honest, not as much these days as I used to. He was a lovely man, caring, honest, hardworking and two months to retirement. His wife, children and grandchildren still miss him and their lives were changed forever 10 years ago. When I heard the news I must confess it felt good. I felt justice (whatever way it took) was done to my friend and that Bill’s family will finally have some closure. It does not make things better, it does not solve any of the issues and challenges modern societies face, but it at least brings a balance to the table and shows that it doesn’t matter how long it takes, one cannot run from Justice.
I can definitely relate to how you feel. I know Bin Laden was a very evil man but I can’t rejoice in anyone’s death. Even after my family found out who killed my grandfather (this was 40 years after he was murdered), I still couldn’t find it in me to desire that man’s death either (and believe me, he had done many awful other things). I just don’t know if one man’s death will solve the problem. Al Queda still exists. I think there’s more work to do, and I’m choosing to do it by giving people better opportunities, hoping they’ll chose love rather than hate.